"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then they seem improbable, and then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable." -Chistopher Reeve

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Project July 14, 2009

I’m reading this book. It’s called Julie & Julia… True story. Julie Powell was an unemployed temp secretary, getting ready to turn 30, unemployed, and felt she had never accomplished anything in her life. Kinda like me. Not quite, but there are certainly similarities. She gets this idea one day that she’s going to cook every single book in Julia Childs’ Master the Art of French Cooking, which I believe was published in 1967, and she’s going to do this in one year. Meanwhile, she’s going to write a blog about it. This was in 2002 when blogs weren’t quite so prevalent as they are today. She’s not a great cook; this is just something to do. And she does it. It was all consuming for a year. It changed her life. She is now a writer.

I’m a 30-year-old secretary. An Administrative Assistant, actually. And truth be told, there is unlimited potential in my current position. I have a plan, and it includes staying with my employer for the next 30 years or so. The problem is, while I love my job, and look forward to a happy and successful future, I am a giant slacker. Every day is going to be the day that I dig my head out of my ass and get to work. Yeah, that doesn’t usually happen. What usually happens is that I spend all day procrastinating on the Internet and finishing a miniscule amount of work. How I haven’t been found out, I don’t know. I’m good at my job. I enjoy it. I just stand in my own way. I don’t know why I do this. Anyway, life is kinda like that, too. I could do, and be, and have so much more. If only. S

So, I think that I want to follow Julie’s lead and do something crazy and all consuming and life changing. I had the idea that I would make myself write every day, but I don’t think that’s really the same thing. That’s something that I can very easily procrastinate doing until I eventually abandon the idea altogether.

I went to a Toastmasters meeting tonight. It’s an organization that is supposed to develop public speaking and communication skills. It’s something that I really think will help me on this journey to be who I want to be. I’ve been meaning to go since I started my job four months ago, but in true Aymes fashion, I procrastinated. I almost didn’t go tonight. I hadn’t eaten very much today; I was starving and a little shaky (I have Hypoglycemia, which means I need to eat often or I’ll feel sick and likely chew someone’s head off). I was going to use that as an excuse not to go. I had a snack and went anyway. I’m really happy that I did. I’m thinking it may be my project.

I commit (to myself – who else is there to commit to?) to going as often as humanly possible to every weekly meeting for the next year. I’ll permit myself to miss for vacations and such.
I write something – anything – every day that is humanly possible for the next year. I’ll permit myself to miss for vacations and such.

It should be over just before my 32nd (oh-my-freaking-god 32?) birthday, and I should have made tons of progress by then.

My concern is that it’ll be too easy to flake on myself. It’s not too late. I could do something else – but what?

One more thing. I did something else today – besides getting my lazy butt to the Toastmasters meeting – that I’m proud of. Laura – that’s my roommate – wanted to buy this ugly, uncomfortable, cheapo couch at Ikea for our new house. I told her I hated it. Totally not like me. I would typically just bite my tongue and feel bitterness, but this time, I didn’t do that. I communicated my feelings. And the sky didn’t fall. Phew.
One more thing. My writing doesn’t have to be perfect, make sense, or be entertaining. It’s just for me. To express myself. To make sense of myself. To start writing, which I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.

No comments:

Post a Comment