July 15, 2009

The things I did today… As usual, I slept in as long as I possibly could and only got up in time to jump up, rush through my morning routine, and run out the door with wet hair to catch the bus. The weird guy wasn’t on the bus this morning, thank God. That’s a whole ‘nother story… I did work today, though! I wasn’t a hundred percent, but I was a lot better than I have been… Instead of returning to the Internet, I returned to my work. Which today happened to be travel plans. For some reason, it took me the whole day to do. I’ve been collecting every box that I see in my building at work, so when Marie – my manager who also happens to be in the process of moving – came into my office to talk to me, she stopped mid-sentence and started laughing at the pile of boxes that had just about consumed my work space. Laura had a class at the hospital today that let out just as I was getting off work, so she came by my office to take me and the boxes home. We haven’t started packing, but we do have boxes. That’s something, right? We got home and got in each other’s way while she did dishes and made her hot dog/crescent rolls and I started my spaghetti. The spaghetti took an hour to make. While the sauce was simmering and the water for the pasta was trying to boil, I potted one of my new plants so that I can take it to work tomorrow and played a little ball with Lucy. That’s about all my beautiful puppy got from me tonight; I stayed on the couch too long watching Will & Grace and never made it out the front door. Poor dog. Oh, well. She got a walk last night, and she’ll likely get one tomorrow. Here I am at 9:40, an hour and twenty minutes before my self-appointed bedtime, tired, and with nothing good on TV. Not even anything good recorded. I have a little bit of Julie & Julia to finish. I may read the rest of that. Chances are, I’ll lounge for the next hour or so, maybe longer, and then stumble to bed, having only expended enough energy to throw on something comfortable which will likely come from the dirty clothes pile. At least I’ve already started the pot of coffee for tomorrow morning…

The Project July 14, 2009

I’m reading this book. It’s called Julie & Julia… True story. Julie Powell was an unemployed temp secretary, getting ready to turn 30, unemployed, and felt she had never accomplished anything in her life. Kinda like me. Not quite, but there are certainly similarities. She gets this idea one day that she’s going to cook every single book in Julia Childs’ Master the Art of French Cooking, which I believe was published in 1967, and she’s going to do this in one year. Meanwhile, she’s going to write a blog about it. This was in 2002 when blogs weren’t quite so prevalent as they are today. She’s not a great cook; this is just something to do. And she does it. It was all consuming for a year. It changed her life. She is now a writer.

I’m a 30-year-old secretary. An Administrative Assistant, actually. And truth be told, there is unlimited potential in my current position. I have a plan, and it includes staying with my employer for the next 30 years or so. The problem is, while I love my job, and look forward to a happy and successful future, I am a giant slacker. Every day is going to be the day that I dig my head out of my ass and get to work. Yeah, that doesn’t usually happen. What usually happens is that I spend all day procrastinating on the Internet and finishing a miniscule amount of work. How I haven’t been found out, I don’t know. I’m good at my job. I enjoy it. I just stand in my own way. I don’t know why I do this. Anyway, life is kinda like that, too. I could do, and be, and have so much more. If only. S

So, I think that I want to follow Julie’s lead and do something crazy and all consuming and life changing. I had the idea that I would make myself write every day, but I don’t think that’s really the same thing. That’s something that I can very easily procrastinate doing until I eventually abandon the idea altogether.

I went to a Toastmasters meeting tonight. It’s an organization that is supposed to develop public speaking and communication skills. It’s something that I really think will help me on this journey to be who I want to be. I’ve been meaning to go since I started my job four months ago, but in true Aymes fashion, I procrastinated. I almost didn’t go tonight. I hadn’t eaten very much today; I was starving and a little shaky (I have Hypoglycemia, which means I need to eat often or I’ll feel sick and likely chew someone’s head off). I was going to use that as an excuse not to go. I had a snack and went anyway. I’m really happy that I did. I’m thinking it may be my project.

I commit (to myself – who else is there to commit to?) to going as often as humanly possible to every weekly meeting for the next year. I’ll permit myself to miss for vacations and such.
I write something – anything – every day that is humanly possible for the next year. I’ll permit myself to miss for vacations and such.

It should be over just before my 32nd (oh-my-freaking-god 32?) birthday, and I should have made tons of progress by then.

My concern is that it’ll be too easy to flake on myself. It’s not too late. I could do something else – but what?

One more thing. I did something else today – besides getting my lazy butt to the Toastmasters meeting – that I’m proud of. Laura – that’s my roommate – wanted to buy this ugly, uncomfortable, cheapo couch at Ikea for our new house. I told her I hated it. Totally not like me. I would typically just bite my tongue and feel bitterness, but this time, I didn’t do that. I communicated my feelings. And the sky didn’t fall. Phew.
One more thing. My writing doesn’t have to be perfect, make sense, or be entertaining. It’s just for me. To express myself. To make sense of myself. To start writing, which I’ve wanted to do for a very long time.